Sober Blog

1. Your sponsor isn’t all that interested in the “reasons” you drank.

2. Your therapist thinks your root problem is your lack of self-esteem, negative self-image, and your poor self-concept. Your sponsor thinks your problem is a 3-letter word with no hyphens: YOU.

3. Your therapist wants you to pamper your “inner child”. Your sponsor thinks it ought to be spanked.

4. Your sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. Speaking of your parents, your sponsor tells you not to confront them, but to make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth”.

7. Your sponsor thinks “boundaries” are things you need to take down, not build up.

8. Your therapist wants you to love yourself first; your sponsor wants you to love others first

9. Your therapist prescribes care-taking and medication. Your sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. Your sponsor thinks “anger management skills” are numbered 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.

11. Now that you haven’t used in 6 months, your therapist thinks you should make a list of your goals and objectives for the next 5 years, starting with finishing up that college degree. Your sponsor thinks you should start today by cleaning the coffeepots, helping him or her carry a heavy box of literature to the jail, and making your bed.

12. Your sponsor won’t lose his or her license to practice if he or she talks about God.

New York, April 1, 2010 – Due to the downturn in the economy,
Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership free as has been the case for almost 75 years.

Like many businesses, AA will now be charging for some things that used to be free, such as:

1. Being Rocketed into the 4th Dimension — $49.99 per trip, fuel
surcharge applies, extra baggage NOT included. 5th Dimension trips optional; additional fee applies. See your sponsor for details.

2. Sponsorship — was free, NOW $9.99 per month, with 4 visits/20 phone calls per month free, after that, $2.00 each. Surcharge for calls after midnight: $1.50 per call.

3. Membership Dues — now $29.99/month, 10% discount for a 1-year plan.

4. Seating charges — Each seat now $1.00 per meeting, with a 20% discount for the 90-in-90 plan.

5.Pink Cloud — was free, NOW $14.99 per cloud, with a $5.00 per event environmental cleanup fee. These are the NEW ozone-free Pink Clouds that do NOT add to global warming.

6. Coffee — $1.50 per cup, with a 10% discount for 5 or more cups.

7. Hugs — will now be $2.50 each.

8. Conscious Contact with God — now $9.99/month, with the first 450 minutes free, then 10 cents/minute over 450.. New Double your Minutes for Life plan is a low $49.99 one time charge. Holidays and weekends extra; see rate schedule, as God is VERY busy.

9. Accidental cell phone call during meeting — charge now set at
$25.00 per incident. Intentional calls: $75.00

10. I’ve been “Thinking” fees to now be $3.00 each, with a Relapse Reentry Fee of only $99.99 (each occurrence), if you’re lucky enough to make it back into the rooms. Fees will be used to purchase additional white chips.

Please note: void where prohibited by law.

AA reserves the right to change none, all, or some of these rates at anytime, with no notice to you. If you need a notice of change in rates, a written request may be sent to headquarters in New York. A $10.00 fee applies.

NOTE: The editor does not accept responsibility for your reaction to this article. If you have a problem with it, please consult your sponsor (normal charges apply).

Kinda makes you think twice about how lucky we are that they decided to have the 8th tradition and not professionalize AA. Imagine having to pay for a professional sponsor. We probably have the only disease whose cure has not been commercialized. Makes us special and lucky. But, it’s so easy to think that the cure isn’t worth it’s weight in gold because we don’t have to pay big bucks for it!!

I arrived on May 24 a day before the group so I could work out the incoming kinks and boy am I happy that I did. The four hour time difference between Florida & Alaska put me in my hotel room with only one stopover in Houston, at 2:00 am body clock time. It was an exhausting trip and I am really happy I came a day early.
The next day folks started to arrive and I organized a trek to a nearby meeting at 5:00. I had called ahead a month ago and told them they will have extra guests and the note left in the chairperson’s box was really cute. They could not interpret it! It didn’t matter because there were 12 of us in a room with 5 local Anchorage folks and the fresh horses were surly needed. One gent coming back from a relapse, one gent wondering if he could ever travel again sober, one gent lamenting the fact that he could not have a couple of beers on Memorial Day Weekend. The lamentor had just gotten out of jail from his sixth DUI. This disease is so baffling, he can’t make the connection between drinking and jail.
When we got back to the hotel, I had arranged for the shuttle to pick us up and bring us to the Sourdough Mining Company for dinner. We had some wonderful local fare. The show, “The Adventures of Dusty Soughdough” out in the back barn where there was a stage was cancelled, so we just milled around the chocolate factory across the street where they have the world’s largest chocolcate fountain. It was awesome. The shuttle took us back for a great nights sleep!
This whole trip is so organized and easy. We boarded a private motorcoach which brought us to our glass domed train the next morning. Awesome views while sitting in a dining car in booths from heaven! The reindeer sausages in the omlettes while traversing the wilderness was an elegant affair. I felt like I was on the Oriental Express…only with my alcoholic family giggling the whole way. It is the beginning of the season here and we were only the second group on the train. Our waiter looked at Bill’s tshirt with the triangle and breathed a sigh of relief. He was jumping for joy when he knew all 45 of us were in recovery! We meet up tomorrow with 25 more folks for the rest of the journey.
McKinley Village Lodge, Tuesday, May 26…rustic, we are the first guests of the season…I think they didn’t know we were coming!
Wednesday, May 27, Talkeetna Alaskan Lodge is sublime! This three story fireplace in the lobby is like a ski lodge in fantastic mountains.

EXCURSIONS: I took a flightseeing tour to the top of Mt. McKinley with 9 other folks. We landed on a Ruth Glacier. This was the experience of a lifetime! It was like standing in God’s hand. The majesty of the mountains and glaciers defies description. My camera was impotent, my heart bursting with gratitude, and my mouth hurt from smiling. The sun does not got down here until late late at night. My flightseeing tour

I’ve been fortunate enough to experience and explore different careers in sobriety. At one point I worked in the world of private aviation. It was a good old boy’s club of big toys, expensive cigars, and bull pen events. It was fun and exciting and if I were 20 years younger, I would have taken on the challenge of being one of the few women in the field. My brief involvement included going to an aviation show with top executives one weekend. When I was drinking I wasn’t comfortable anywhere. Now I am comfortable in any place on earth, including business situations. I have owned night clubs and restaurants with no conflicts to my sobriety. Fortunately the obsession was lifted from me after the first two years of being sober and I continue to stay committed to our precious program.

One night after dinner that weekend of the aviation show, we went to a party one of the fuel suppliers was hosting. We were having a good time, but several of the men thought it peculiar that I was not drinking. As the night wore on, it bothered them more and more they decided to do something about it. Much to my shock, the CEO of one company pinned my arms behind my back while the other executive tried to pour Jell-O shots down my throat. They may as well have had a gun to my head as I fought for my life. I kicked and pulled and pushed in terror until I got loose and ran back to my hotel. I was appalled, terrified and grateful that God once again had my back. They had no idea they were actually threatening my life, but I was well aware of it.

Yes, we can say stay home, pull the curtains down, not go to work, wear brown bags over our heads, listen in terror at the news, or we can get on our knees every day and have a conscious contact with God and live a conscious life. I have found that following the steps and program to the best of my ability on any one given day allows me the total freedom to participate safely in this banquet of life, no matter how many crazy people I run into. No matter where I want to go, what I want to do, I take my devotion to the program with me, I pad either side of the journey with fellowship and try to surround myself with it like warm blankets. We have been blessed to be awake for all the colors, flavors, joys and sorrows of this life. I don’t want to miss any part of it! No matter what, no one can steal your magic and I know for a fact, God will meet you anywhere.