Sober Blog

Use these questions as a guide to take care of the precious gift of recovery
that we have been so freely given.

Spiritual Condition:
 Do I have a sponsor? How often do I call?
 Have I finished all my steps? When was the last time I did my steps?
 Do I have a group of women that I am in contact with weekly?
 Do I have a home group?
 Do I arrive early and stay late to reach out to others?
 How do I participate in my home group? (set up/clean up etc.)
 What service commitments do I have?
 Do I sponsor other ladies? Have I taken other women through the steps?
 What am I obsessed about? What action steps am I taking to be rid of the obsession?
 Do I ask God to help me stay sober each morning?
 Do I thank God each night for keeping me sober?
 How is my relationship with my God? Do I spend enough time with Him?
 Do I practice Steps 10, 11 and 12 daily?
 Do I keep a gratitude list? How often do I write one?
 How many meetings do I attend each week? How many do I need for my emotional sobriety?
 Do I isolate?
 Do I use H.A.L.T.S (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sick) on a daily basis?
 Do I live an honest life?
 Have I forgiven myself and others?
 Do I have any resentments? Secrets?
 Do I live my life with integrity?
 Can I forgive others? Can I forget?
 How often do I get angry? Do I argue with others?
 Can I agree to disagree? Can I let it go? Do I have to have the last word?
 Do I do nice things for others without being found out?
 Do I believe that what others think about me is none of my business?
 Do I act better than I feel?
 Do I attend spiritual retreats? AA conferences or conventions?

Personal Program:
 Do I pray every day?
 Do I have regular contact with my family?
 Do I allow extra time to get things done or get to places on time?
 Am I comfortable in my own skin?
 Do I do mean things to myself?
 Do I compare myself to others?
 Do I have more positive thoughts than negative thoughts each day?

I was overjoyed to see 20/20 this Friday April 30 as the media finally got it right. Instead of women with no teeth falling down in the Bowery, or women being drunken sluts at bars, they showed a soccer mom, a Harvard graduate, a housewife and lots of mothers with young children. This is truly what the face of female alcoholism looks like, just everyday people who are addicted and can’t shake it. These women drank in a way that was real, drinking wine, hiding it, denying it, and being sick of it and not being able to stop. That’s what alcoholism is, you just can’t stop no matter who loves you, no matter how much you want to, no matter how much you know you are hurting your family.
Several of the women went into treatment at Orchid Recovery Center in Lake Worth, FL where they specialize in gender specific treatment. For many women, going away for treatment is vital to their progress. They have usually discussed it with family members and on some level feel the have been given permission to get well. Women get so guilty about doing anything for themselves and mothers especially tend to put themselves last on the list. Women also do much better when there are no men to distract them and take the spotlight.
I like the way 20/20 respected anonymity and gave such a close up look at the denial and the reality of the disease. Even though one woman went to treatment, two weeks after she got out she was drunk again. This is the heartbreak of it, treatment is just the beginning. Then you have to learn how to live without the help of oblivion. They say treatment is for discovery, not recovery.
This TV show validated women, it honored the attention that needs to be paid to mothers, and showed that even respected people can be afflicted with this horrible progressive disease.
I hope it does for women what Betty Ford did for me when she finally got sober. When my mother heard that Betty Ford was an alcoholic, it was finally ok with her that I was an alcoholic too. Anonymity is critical, but not everyone yet understands the disease and a simplified perspective often just does the trick. I am hopeful many many women will benefit from the 20/20 presentation.

I just read this article and thought it was worth adding a picture and passing on! We ladies are told to stick with the women and there are good reasons why!

Gathering with Women Friends
Can Make Us Healthier and Happier

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Good friends help us express our true selves and find our path in life. They hold up a mirror that shows us who we truly are … and they encourage us to be more than we think we can be!
A landmark UCLA study of female friendships confirmed the healing power of women’s friendships.”Female Responses To Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight,” published in Psychological Review a few years ago, said gathering with friends in a nurturing way lowers the stress and strain of daily life. Rather that the typical “fight or flight” response believed to be triggered in people under stress, the study suggested women have a more expansive repertoire of behaviors. We release brain chemicals that urge us to gather with other women, as well as tend children (or others). The more time spent with friends, the more oxytocin is released — not just counter-acting stress but inspiring a sense of calm and well-being.
This bears out my belief that when women find a safe harbor in friendship with others, it also helps us connect to the power of our feminine spirit in a profound and deeply life enhancing way.
In the nineties, when I was the editor-in-chief of a national magazine, I invited a group of gal friends who worked in media together for a night of spirituality and girl talk. They were each fascinating, spiritual woman with high-powered careers. It felt very natural to call the evening “A Gathering of Goddesses.” Everyone loved the idea, because it made us connect immediately with the idea that we are Goddesses - beautiful, smart, powerful, able to effect change in our world. We so enjoyed each other’s companionship and support that first night; we decided to turn it into a monthly event. For over two years, we gathered every month to schmooze and share our stories, ending each meeting with a sacred circle in which we each took turns lighting a candle, articulating our dreams and goals and saying a prayer. We would bear witness to one another’s most pressing goals in life, and we would share the vision that all these dreams would come true. Indeed, many of them did.
Because we were journalists, radio personalities, performers, TV spokespeople and authors, I nick-named the group “Media Goddesses.” It was in the course of facilitating these gatherings that I discovered my new calling as an interfaith minister, and I stepped onto a professional path of helping facilitate women’s spiritual development. Having the chance to gather with other women in a loving and mutually supportive way changed all of our lives. We grew and empowered each other to grow more—13 years later, there is still and invisible bond than connects the women who were part of that group.
Having a special group of goddesses in human form in my life made all the difference on my life journey. My media goddess sisters were spiritual cheerleaders, continually reminding me of who I am. I truly believe that our connection to one another helped us all do our part to bring healing to the world.
One of the reasons I love The Three Tomatoes so much is that it provides a gathering point for women. If there is any time in history that women, and our world, can benefit from gathering, it is now. Whether sharing a meal and some girl talk, a night out, or coming together on line or in person to pray for peace, life will change in leaps and bounds the first day you call a bunch of friends together for “a gathering of goddesses.”