What does rsvp mean?
It’s French, means répondez s’il vous plaît, respond if you please, usually by the date on the invitation.
What if it’s a party with alcohol?
“We are miracles of mental health” p. 133. Ask your sponsor if you are a miracle yet and spiritually fit enough to go! Eat a full meal before you go; When you put down your drink, never pick it up again, get a new one. If someone asks if you want a drink, you say yes, a coke please, any soda is a drink!
Do I have to bring something?
Just like the wise men, always bear gifts, no matter how small; flowers, some cookies, a package of pretty napkins, something to show your appreciation because the person was nice enough to invite you and arrange for you to have a good time.
At the last minute can I bring a guest or child?
Ask the host/hostess first. It may be an adult only party in which case get a babysitter or stay home. If it is a large party, the hostess may say to bring an extra adult with no problem
What if I rsvp and then changed my mind and don’t go?
It depends on what type of party it is. If it’s a sit down dinner for 10, you must call and cancel. If it is a large party, I usually won’t bother the hostess and call the next day to apologize for not being there, and find out how it turned out for the wonderful person who invited me.
What if I get a better offer?
You own nothing but what is inside of you. Don’t say yes until you are sure that is what you want to do. Your word is your honor. If you say you are going to be someplace, be there. If you get a better offer, you may be able to split the evening and do both. If not, assume God has a purpose for you attending the one you said yes to and go to find out what it is.
How do I handle my fear of people?
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us…but not without work! The only people who have courage are the ones who do what they are afraid of. You get on your knees the day of the event, ten times if necessary, and ask God to give you the courage and strength to show up for your own life. You have the option of showing up to find out that there is nothing to be afraid of or waiting until another time for the same lesson in growth. It’s not going away and you will have to learn how to talk to people eventually. All people have to put their pants on one leg at a time, there is no one greater or lesser than you. Being afraid of people is just more self centeredness. Say the 3rd step prayer. It’s not about you, but how you can be of service to the people God is putting in your path.
How do I dress?
Dress like a grown up. Go look at some magazines and determine what a person of class and dignity looks like. Pretend you are one if you have to and wear something respectable. You can never look too good. Only if the hostess says it’s a jeans party do you wear jeans. Otherwise gals, wear a pair of pants or a skirt with a pretty blouse and a nice necklace if you don’t have a suit or nice dress. Guys, clean collared shirts and a jacket or a fancy shirt. No shorts, T Shirts or flip flops. You can also find lots of wonderful dress clothes at Thrift Stores. Ladies, don’t wear “hunting clothes” …necklines down to your navel or skirts up to your thighs, no see through anything, and if you have a thong on, we don’t want to know it!
How do I handle my social anxiety?
I never had a problem with my coffee table. We are only afraid of people and that’s why it is addressed in our steps. It’s more self centeredness; what are they thinking about me, how do they think I look? what if someone thinks I’m not smart? What if they ask me something I don’t know? What if they notice I’m not drinking? This is all self centeredness and we have a program for this, we have to ask God to go to the party ahead of us and be there when we arrive. Relieve me of the bondage of self is the key. It’s not about you, but how you can be of maximum service to mankind. Maybe there is someone there that really needs to talk about an ailing parent, or a broken heart or a lost purse, you don’t know. You just show up to see what assignment God has for you at that location. It’s not about what people think of you, but how close attention you are paying to them. You have to listen to where the opportunity is to be of service. If you are hiding in a corner, you can’t hear it. You have the grace of God in you and are obligated to shine your light to help others who may be in the dark.
What if I don’t have a date (weddings)?
This assumes you have been sent an invitation for two guests, so bring a friend in the program with you. I have taken girlfriends to a weddings and had a great time. Again, it’s not what people think of you, it’s what God thinks of you. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. Find ways to enjoy it so you can help others enjoy it.
How do I handle social conversations?
You get out of the way and ask a million questions of the person you are talking to. Most people love to talk about themselves. Ask about their jobs, their families, their children, where they were born, what they love to do, where they live. Find out about them and how wonderful they are. How do they know the host, what foods/restaurants do they like? It’s not about you. If they ask you a question you are uncomfortable about, answer with a question!
Is it ok to just find a chair and stay there?
You can’t be of maximum service to God and mankind, the ultimate goal of the 12 steps, if you sit in a corner with a lampshade over your head hiding the miracle you have been blessed with. You have to start someplace and if it is your first party, make progress no matter how small. It’s the baby steps that get you on the journey. You are obligated to shine your magic in the world in whatever small way you can. Be of service, if you are frightened, help the hostess serve or clean up, get busy and be about God’s business. Be useful.
What if I have certain foods I cannot eat?
Don’t eat them. No one is ever going to force you to eat or drink anything. If you know ahead of time that something you can’t eat will be served, ask the hostess if a substitute is possible because you have an allergy. They will surly understand. If no substitute is possible, ask the waiter if you can have more of whatever vegetable is on the plate with added salad. Talk to the waiter and I am sure they will come up with a dish that will work for you. If it’s a buffet, the choices are clear, they’re yours. If you are afraid you won’t get enough to eat, bring a small sandwich or granola bar in your bag which you can eat outside or in the rest room at any time. If you suspect there is alcohol in the food, ask whoever cooked it and don’t eat it. According to Duke University, most alcohol does not cook out of food. Tell them you are allergic and ask for a substitute or get more soda/coffee/cookies. You won’t starve.
How late can I arrive?
If you are invited for an event at 7:00, arrive at 7:00. Your word is your honor. If you accept an invitation, plan to be there. At any fine restaurant they will only hold a table for 15 minutes. Honor your host/hostess by being on time
How early can I leave?
You can leave 5 minutes after you arrive if you absolutely need to. The point is you said you would do something, which is called a commitment, so do what you say you would do. If you want to leave because you are having fear, try to pray and work through it because you eventually have to do it anyway. You will learn a little more every time and eventually be comfortable in your own skin no matter where you are, no matter who you are with. It takes practice and time and doing it. You get that much closer to being you were meant to be every time you want to run and don’t, and remember God will meet you anywhere!
I know, I know Cinderella wasn’t really true. It was just a fairytale that gave little girls something to dream about; a good looking guy, some great shoes and a house you don’t have to clean. The story ends with ..”and they lived happily ever after” leaving whatever that means in the cartoon world up to your imagination. The program has kind of been my Disney, giving me as wonderful a happily an ever after as any girl could wish for. I just spent 7 wonderful nights on the “8th” wonder of the world, Oasis of the Seas. Can your life really be magic if you are all alone with no witnesses? I don’t know, but I do know there are plenty of witnesses in my life who can see what God can do for all of us.
In the era when I came into recovery, newly sober women either wanted to fix their teeth or get divorced. These days it’s only changed a little; it’s the plastic surgeon or the divorce lawyer. It’s easier to fix something outside than inside, but it’s also possible to be sober and stay married, even if it’s to someone not in the program. No, he “doesn’t understand” and he doesn’t have to, you do! 
