Sober Blog

Just reply “No thank you, I have to be home for Christmas!”

Use these questions as a guide to take care of the precious gift of recovery
that we have been so freely given.

Spiritual Condition:
 Do I have a sponsor? How often do I call?
 Have I finished all my steps? When was the last time I did my steps?
 Do I have a group of women that I am in contact with weekly?
 Do I have a home group?
 Do I arrive early and stay late to reach out to others?
 How do I participate in my home group? (set up/clean up etc.)
 What service commitments do I have?
 Do I sponsor other ladies? Have I taken other women through the steps?
 What am I obsessed about? What action steps am I taking to be rid of the obsession?
 Do I ask God to help me stay sober each morning?
 Do I thank God each night for keeping me sober?
 How is my relationship with my God? Do I spend enough time with Him?
 Do I practice Steps 10, 11 and 12 daily?
 Do I keep a gratitude list? How often do I write one?
 How many meetings do I attend each week? How many do I need for my emotional sobriety?
 Do I isolate?
 Do I use H.A.L.T.S (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sick) on a daily basis?
 Do I live an honest life?
 Have I forgiven myself and others?
 Do I have any resentments? Secrets?
 Do I live my life with integrity?
 Can I forgive others? Can I forget?
 How often do I get angry? Do I argue with others?
 Can I agree to disagree? Can I let it go? Do I have to have the last word?
 Do I do nice things for others without being found out?
 Do I believe that what others think about me is none of my business?
 Do I act better than I feel?
 Do I attend spiritual retreats? AA conferences or conventions?

Personal Program:
 Do I pray every day?
 Do I have regular contact with my family?
 Do I allow extra time to get things done or get to places on time?
 Am I comfortable in my own skin?
 Do I do mean things to myself?
 Do I compare myself to others?
 Do I have more positive thoughts than negative thoughts each day?

(Old timer 40 yrs. or more)
By Snow P.
When I think I can stand the heat, I go to a meeting in a small church room with no air conditioning here in south Florida just to see God’s colorful treasure box in action at what is always an “unorthodox” meeting. It’s folks in varying stages of life, mostly unemployed and a bit beaten up by our disease, but the meeting has such a life of its own and is amazing. Although I am old school program, I know I’m not to interfere and be one of those bleeding deacons, but just to sit and become one of many. Sometimes someone will raise their hand and start singing as a song seems appropriate to them for the topic, and no one will shut them up. Backtalk, crosstalk and yelling across the room and lots of laughing are part of the tempo. One time a 6’5” man raged out of the room and I was sure homicide was imminent, but when I returned two days later, he came walking in calm as can be to read the preamble. I was truly shocked that he was not in jail for life. When a toothless man who stutters raises his hand to talk, everyone patiently and kindly listens for as long as it takes him to say whatever spiritual message he has to deliver. When they read “we are like men who have lost their legs, they never grow new ones” you look around the room and see there is more than one man sitting there limbless.
It’s obvious to me God attends every meeting at victor-e and I am to keep my mouth shut and participate as inspired. Sometimes it’s hard for me, but I practice. Yesterday I sat next to a woman who was texting on her cell phone the entire meeting. I mean the entire meeting. All I could do was keep repeating to myself, “It’s not your business, you’re not her sponsor, and we don’t have AA police, just keep your mouth shut.” I wanted badly to just lean over and whisper something about “not texting” into her ear, but that would break my own rule about talking during meetings. I told myself that if after the Our Father I were holding hands with her, I would say something about it. As it would unfold, I was holding hands with someone else at the end. I told myself again to shut my mouth and just go home. I said nothing and left the meeting. The same girl, whom I had never seen before, came all the way to the end of the parking lot to find me as I was getting into my car. That was about a large a sign to put mouth in gear as I could possible get. Poor thing only wanted to introduce her to me and didn’t hear all the conversations I was having in my head previously. After the pleasantries, I told her that texting during the meeting was very distracting. She apologized and said she has trouble remembering things and wasn’t texting just taking notes. I told her “Then get a paper and pencil. It’s not about you, it’s about the message we give to the newcomer.” She burst out in tears would not let me hug her, console her or talk to her at all and ran away crying as I called out her name.

As I thought about it this morning, texting during meetings is about more than distracting the newcomer from hearing the message of hope and recovery, it’s about anonymity too. If someone thinks everything they are saying at a meeting is being broadcasted via text, our critical privacy is violated and our sense of safety broken. AA is the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked. There is no place left for people like us to go. We have flourished with church- like privacy and it seems it is a necessary component of our society. It’s a place where movie stars, criminals, and all manner of high profile people can come for the same message and feel and be “safe” in the rooms. Imagine what would happen if someone like Mick Jagger or any other celebrity came into the program, and everyone was texting everything he said during the meeting to a website. We would finally have corrosion from within as Bill predicted. I have seen snippets of this as people have texted live from a meeting onto Facebook about a boring speaker. It has already begun.

We are raising younger and younger alcoholics as they come into recovery and sponsors have to make sure the basic elements of our program don’t melt away in wake of the fast paced technology we have all so readily embraced. We jumped from pagers going off during meetings to cell phones ringing to text bells pinging in no time at all. Sponsors have new Sober Etiquette responsibilities that did not exist when the Big Book was written. Our program at 75 years old is still in its childhood and we have to make sure it grows old along with us.

So you know texting abbreviations WHEN YOUR ARE NOT IN A MEETINGS:
AAP - Always a pleasure
ADP - Any Day Now
AFAIK - As Far As I Know
AFK - Away From Keyboard
ASAP - As Soon As Possible
A/S/L - Age/Sex/Location
ATM - At The Moment
B/F - Boyfriend
B4 - Before
B4N - Bye For Now
BBIAF - Be Back In A Few
BBIAM - Be Back In A Minute
BBL - Be Back Later
BC - Because
BF - Best Friend
BFF - Best Friends Forever
BFN - Bye For Now
BOL - Best Of Luck
BRB - Be Right Back
BTW - By The Way
CU - See You
CYA - See You
D/L - Download -or- Down Low
DIKU - Do I Know You?
FWIW - For What It’s Worth
FYEO - For Your Eyes Only
FYI - For Your Information
G/F - Girlfriend
G2G - Got To Go
GB - Goodbye
GL - Good Luck
GR8 - Great
GTG - Got To Go
HAGS - Have A Great Summer
HF - Have Fun
HRU - How Are You?
IAC - In Any Case
IANAL - I Am Not A Lawyer
IC - I See
IDK - I Don’t Know
IIRC - If I Remember Correctly
IM - Instant Message
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO - In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IRC - Instant Relay Chat
IRL - In Real Life
JK - Just Kidding
JKBNR - Just Kidding, But Not Really
KIT - Keep In Touch
L8 - Later
L8R - Later
LMAO - Laughing My Ass Off
LOL - Laughing out Loud
LTNS - Long Time No See
M8 - Mate
MF - Male or Female?
MYOB - Mind Your Own Business
NBD - No Big Deal
NM - Never Mind
NMP - Not My Problem
NOYB - None Of Your Business
NP - No Problem
OIC - Oh, I See
OMG - Oh My God
OMW - On My Way
OP - On Phone
OTL - Out to Lunch
OTOH - On The Other Hand
OTW - Off To work
PLZ - Please
POS - Piece Of Excrement
PPL - People
RL - Real Life
ROTFL - Rolling On The Floor Laughing
RSN - Real Soon Now
RTFM - Read The F-bomb Manual
SPST - Same Place Same Time
STR8 - Straight
TAFN - That’s All For Now
TBD - To Be Determined
THX - Thanks
TMI - Too Much Information
TTFN - Ta Ta For Now
TTYL - Talk To You Later
UL - Upload
WB - Welcome Back
WK - Weekend
WTF - What The F?
WTG - Way To Go
WTS - What the Shizzle?

1. Your sponsor isn’t all that interested in the “reasons” you drank.

2. Your therapist thinks your root problem is your lack of self-esteem, negative self-image, and your poor self-concept. Your sponsor thinks your problem is a 3-letter word with no hyphens: YOU.

3. Your therapist wants you to pamper your “inner child”. Your sponsor thinks it ought to be spanked.

4. Your sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

5. Speaking of your parents, your sponsor tells you not to confront them, but to make amends to them.

6. The only time your sponsor uses the word “closure” is before the word “mouth”.

7. Your sponsor thinks “boundaries” are things you need to take down, not build up.

8. Your therapist wants you to love yourself first; your sponsor wants you to love others first

9. Your therapist prescribes care-taking and medication. Your sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

10. Your sponsor thinks “anger management skills” are numbered 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.

11. Now that you haven’t used in 6 months, your therapist thinks you should make a list of your goals and objectives for the next 5 years, starting with finishing up that college degree. Your sponsor thinks you should start today by cleaning the coffeepots, helping him or her carry a heavy box of literature to the jail, and making your bed.

12. Your sponsor won’t lose his or her license to practice if he or she talks about God.

I don’t know if everything in the Bible is true, but I know everything in the Big Book is.

The Sunday morning perfume of simmering garlic
seasoning the pot
smokes up my kitchen with memories.
I see a wooden coffee grinder
with fine ironwork and a secret drawer
that held the prize. “No more chickory to stretch
it like during the depression” Dad said,
“cause these is good times.”
A bushel of fresh snails,
a pizza he carried all the way home
hot from Tremont Avenue warms my heart.
There was no such thing as delivery in those days.
Your Dad was the delivery man.
He pulled the Christmas tree every year
up four flights of stairs,
thrilled he could provide it to honor
his religion and family.
He placed every single piece of tinsel straight
like a prayer, from the top down.
As I start cooking for a feast
this morning in my pajamas,
I can only smile knowing he passed on to me
the excitement and joy of these two words…
“Company’s coming!”

Happy Father’s Day to the best Dad that ever lived.

They found a two million year old skull of a 9 year old boy recently. They say he is a new species and perhaps defines the moment when we transitioned from ape to man. While that is astonishing, we’ve been prepped with the dinosaur statistics for quite some time now. What’s hard to believe is that Alcoholics Anonymous came to us only seventy five years ago. While I was still a lost and broken child, Bill and Bob were having the communion of pain and miracle, eye to eye which gave birth to this worldwide phenomenon. It would seem that with all the wise, religious, and brilliant men and women that have existed for thousands of years, this simple program should have been around a lot sooner. It wasn’t here until the right broken people showed up to receive it and the Grace of God made it grow.

It took me a long time to find out that the International Convention happens only every five years, and a long time for my children to grow up so I could leave town and not miss the joy of them. I attended my first one five years ago. I saw how I was connected to something so much bigger than I ever knew. I saw that we have a divine responsibility to carry the message, that our love is so much greater than our differences, it’s breathtaking. It carries you another five years biding your time so you can see the global miracle again. You don’t have to practice principals over personalities, for a weekend, you become it.

The impact of 60,000 or so people grinning from ear to ear, swarming the streets in rivers of every size, shape, and age that God could think of, is overwhelming. The connectivity starts in your stomach, dances around your heart and shakes out your hand as you met one new friend after another in an elevator, at a hot dog stand or when you spot a familiar face in the crowd. Yet everywhere you are reminded it is a daily reprieve based on your spiritual condition. If you feel alone, it’s your obligation to reach out and get connected. If you see someone else looking lost, it’s your obligation to speak up. Only a fit spiritual condition allows you to do either without fear.

No, it’s not about you, but it’s all about you. Each single person makes the miracle live. As one brother or sister falls, another will take their place. It’s like ring around the rosy, we all hold hands, or we all fall down. As of last night, there are 49,500 people registered for this event July 1-4. I hope to see you in San Antonio when we will hold precious hands around the globe.

Snow@sobercelebrations.com

New York, April 1, 2010 - Due to the downturn in the economy,
Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership free as has been the case for almost 75 years.

Like many businesses, AA will now be charging for some things that used to be free, such as:

1. Being Rocketed into the 4th Dimension — $49.99 per trip, fuel
surcharge applies, extra baggage NOT included. 5th Dimension trips optional; additional fee applies. See your sponsor for details.

2. Sponsorship — was free, NOW $9.99 per month, with 4 visits/20 phone calls per month free, after that, $2.00 each. Surcharge for calls after midnight: $1.50 per call.

3. Membership Dues — now $29.99/month, 10% discount for a 1-year plan.

4. Seating charges — Each seat now $1.00 per meeting, with a 20% discount for the 90-in-90 plan.

5.Pink Cloud — was free, NOW $14.99 per cloud, with a $5.00 per event environmental cleanup fee. These are the NEW ozone-free Pink Clouds that do NOT add to global warming.

6. Coffee — $1.50 per cup, with a 10% discount for 5 or more cups.

7. Hugs — will now be $2.50 each.

8. Conscious Contact with God — now $9.99/month, with the first 450 minutes free, then 10 cents/minute over 450.. New Double your Minutes for Life plan is a low $49.99 one time charge. Holidays and weekends extra; see rate schedule, as God is VERY busy.

9. Accidental cell phone call during meeting — charge now set at
$25.00 per incident. Intentional calls: $75.00

10. I’ve been “Thinking” fees to now be $3.00 each, with a Relapse Reentry Fee of only $99.99 (each occurrence), if you’re lucky enough to make it back into the rooms. Fees will be used to purchase additional white chips.

Please note: void where prohibited by law.

AA reserves the right to change none, all, or some of these rates at anytime, with no notice to you. If you need a notice of change in rates, a written request may be sent to headquarters in New York. A $10.00 fee applies.

NOTE: The editor does not accept responsibility for your reaction to this article. If you have a problem with it, please consult your sponsor (normal charges apply).

Kinda makes you think twice about how lucky we are that they decided to have the 8th tradition and not professionalize AA. Imagine having to pay for a professional sponsor. We probably have the only disease whose cure has not been commercialized. Makes us special and lucky. But, it’s so easy to think that the cure isn’t worth it’s weight in gold because we don’t have to pay big bucks for it!!

I was overjoyed to see 20/20 this Friday April 30 as the media finally got it right. Instead of women with no teeth falling down in the Bowery, or women being drunken sluts at bars, they showed a soccer mom, a Harvard graduate, a housewife and lots of mothers with young children. This is truly what the face of female alcoholism looks like, just everyday people who are addicted and can’t shake it. These women drank in a way that was real, drinking wine, hiding it, denying it, and being sick of it and not being able to stop. That’s what alcoholism is, you just can’t stop no matter who loves you, no matter how much you want to, no matter how much you know you are hurting your family.
Several of the women went into treatment at Orchid Recovery Center in Lake Worth, FL where they specialize in gender specific treatment. For many women, going away for treatment is vital to their progress. They have usually discussed it with family members and on some level feel the have been given permission to get well. Women get so guilty about doing anything for themselves and mothers especially tend to put themselves last on the list. Women also do much better when there are no men to distract them and take the spotlight.
I like the way 20/20 respected anonymity and gave such a close up look at the denial and the reality of the disease. Even though one woman went to treatment, two weeks after she got out she was drunk again. This is the heartbreak of it, treatment is just the beginning. Then you have to learn how to live without the help of oblivion. They say treatment is for discovery, not recovery.
This TV show validated women, it honored the attention that needs to be paid to mothers, and showed that even respected people can be afflicted with this horrible progressive disease.
I hope it does for women what Betty Ford did for me when she finally got sober. When my mother heard that Betty Ford was an alcoholic, it was finally ok with her that I was an alcoholic too. Anonymity is critical, but not everyone yet understands the disease and a simplified perspective often just does the trick. I am hopeful many many women will benefit from the 20/20 presentation.

The lines are blurring all over the place; the lines between personal and business on social networking sites, the lines between who is calling on your cell phone, and the lines between addictions at meetings. This morning I went to a meeting where several people identified themselves as “addicts.” Their drug of choice was crack. They were at the wrong fellowship. The base line for recovery is that we can identify with other people with the same experiences.
When the man on the bed, the third man to get sober, was approached by Bill & Dr. Bob, they spoke to him and he could identify with them, with their experiences, feelings and the insanity of the way they drank. If you can’t identify with the person you are talking to you will continue to be lost and available for picking by the nearest shark.
I spend about three dollars at the penny slots when I am on a cruise. I can’t identify with gamblers who sacrifice their homes and families for another run at the gambling games. I don’t do that. During bad times, I can certainly eat a pint of Hagan Daz or Breyers all by myself. I can’t identify with people who eat three pints, vomit it and eat some more at the peril of evenually throwing up enough bits and pieces of their organs that they die. And I can’t identify in the least with crack addicts because I can’t understand why you would want to do something that takes you away from reality for such a short time! But I do know what it’s like to wake up at 7:00 am and swear to God that I will never drink like that again and by 7:00 pm there I am at a bar doing it again wondering how I got there. Dying doesn’t scare me…however, waking up on a Sunday morning when the liquor stores are closed is terrifying!
I understand people like to go to meetings where they feel all warm and fuzzy, but that is not the purpose of meetings. It’s not a club where you tell war stories (you can do that on a bar stool) or a sick sorority that you strive to belong to and be the coolest one. I had to release my psychedelic years to become one of many. Meetings are a place to find the 12 steps and a God to help you with total abstinence so you don’t wind up dead. If you sit at the wrong meeting, your disease is winning. It already has put you in a place where has you are believing that you are different and unique. The only starting place for ego reduction and humility is a knowledge that there is really only one thing we have in common. We are completely and utterly different in all other respects. We have to find that one thing, accept it and move forward. People need to find the right 12 step fellowship meetings or perish.